So you’ve got fries, or hash brown, or tater tots. Now you’re ready to take dinner to the next level.

Core Ingredients

• Cooked fries or other potato-type-substances

• Courage

Variations: Spice When you’re adding the salt, you can add spices too.

• Try seasoning salt instead of plain salt.

• Smoked paprika

• Chipotle powder

Variations: Dip in Sauce

• Ketchup

• Mayonnaise

• Ketchup and mayonnaise mixed together

• Sriracha hot sauce

• Sriracha mixed with mayonnaise

• Sriracha mixed with honey

• Tartar sauce, which is mostly relish mixed with mayonnaise.

• Mushroom gravy heated in the microwave

• Hummus

Variations: Put Stuff on Top

• Vinegar. Malt or white vinegar are traditional.

True facts; we asked
a jar of relish.

• Microwave baked beans from a can and pour them on top.

• Put shredded cheddar cheese on top. Or other cheese.

• Fry an egg and put it on top. See The Humble Egg for cook- ing advice.

• Fried mushrooms and onions. These pair well with mush- room gravy from a tin.

Stuff on Top of Fries Variations: Not-Poutine & Not-Disco Fries

• Microwave mushroom gravy from a can.

• Cheese. Cheese curds if you want to call this “poutine,” and American cheese slices if you want to call this “disco fries.”

Stuff on Top of Fries Variations: Not-Potatas Bravas

• Tomato-based pasta sauce

• Jalapenos from the jar

• Cheese

Stuff on Top of Fries Variations: Not-chos

• Black beans or refried beans, heated in the microwave.

• Salsa

• Cheese

Bottom-Tier: Chip Butty This is a British delicacy. It’s known as a chip sandwich in Ireland. We hope you enjoy your international cuisine.

• Put fries between two slices of buttered bread, or in a bun.

Mid-Tier: Potato Waffles with Eggs These can be made with any type of frozen potato substance, but they’re traditional with potato waffles (a.k.a. waffle fries).

• Fry two potato waffles in the frying pan with a little oil until cooked. You want enough oil so all of the bottom of the waffle is touching oil, but not

Our lawyers
advise that
we remind
you to take
them out
of the can
before you
microwave
them.

THE SAD BASTARD COOKBOOK
so much that it covers the top of the waffle. Anything in the middle is
good. You’ll need to flip them partway through cooking so both sides get
crispy without the bottom side turning to charcoal. If they turn black and
your fire alarm goes off, you left them too long. We’ve all been there, and we are
sorry for your potato loss. You can make a new batch or eat something else.

• Break the egg on top of the waffles and spread around so the egg goes into the holes.

• Flip over.

• Season with salt and pepper.