You make these exactly like you make Fried Rice , but using noodles. Some people call them “Greasy Noodles” which gives you an idea how much oil these noodles can take.

Core Ingredients

• Cooked noodles, hot or cold

• Oil

Preparation

• Add oil to the frying pan.

• Turn on to medium heat.

• If you have fresh or frozen vegetables, add them now and fry them. Stir sometimes so everything cooks and nothing burns. Ideally don’t overfill the pan now—you want to leave room for the noodles. Watch your arms and for the love of all things edible, don’t do this shirtless.

• Add the noodles to the frying pan.

• Add more oil. This isn’t health food. Another glug or two. Or three.

• Stir occasionally so all the noodles have a chance to fry.

• If you want to add sauce, now is the time to pour it on the noodles and stir it through.

• Eat!

Variations Literally do the things we told you to do with Fried Rice. The only difference is that you’ve got to pick a type of noodle to use. Decisions are hard, so we recommend getting a d6 dice, assigning a number to each type of noodle you have in the house, and rolling for it.

This is almost exactly the Fried Rice
preparation but with “rice“ replaced
by “noodles.“ Look, we promised easy,
not creative.

• Udon noodles can be used straight out of the package without cooking them first.

• Rice noodles can be cooked using only hot water from the kettle—see the instructions in Apocalypse Ramen or Kinda Like Pad Thai.

• You could take the noodles out of a pack of instant noodles and use those. See cooking instructions in Ramen Variations or Instant Noodles on a Plate.

• Any Asian-style noodle will be amazing, but mostly you’ll need to cook them on the stove with boiling water. There’ll be instructions on the back of the package.

• Italian-style wheat noodles will work in a pinch.

Send noods instead of nudes. Mail these to your friends. Fried noodles spark joy.